Hitting Puberty While You're Dead.
by iie
Summary: In Hisoka's point of view. I like him! Warning: shounen ai in later chapters.
1. Default Chapter

- Muraki – His pale long fingered hands slowly trailing down my body to  
  
touch –  
  
No!  
  
…………………  
  
no……………………..  
  
His darkness seeping into my skin…  
  
like drowning beneath a stormy sea ---  
  
"Hisoka! Hisoka!"  
  
….. Tsuzuki.  
  
Someone gave me a sharp shake and pulled me out of  
  
-my nightmare? I thought it was the sea………  
  
I abruptly opened my eyes, gasping, cold sweat beading on my forehead.  
  
"Hisoka…..are you okay?"  
  
A concerned expression on his face, Tsuzuki sat on my bed and drew me onto his lap, hugging me.  
  
His warm breath on my neck… his hands on the small of my back…  
  
Sensations trickled through my body and pooled- between my thighs-  
  
All the adrenaline wasn't helping any.  
  
Horrified…at what my body was doing…  
  
Tsuzuki shifted a little and pulled me closer.  
  
"No!"  
  
I pulled away sharply, stunning him.  
  
In his startlement, his shields faltered ever so slightly, and I could feel his surprise and his confusion, layered with hurt.  
  
A wave of guilt washed over me, and the tears started coming. Sobbing, I let him hug me and comfort me, tucking me in again, while stroking my cheek so. Gently.  
  
The touch of bare skin against mine intensified his emotions; his tender protectiveness and affection comforted me, slowly lulling me to sleep.  
  
Did I dream….? 


	2. 

Lethargy… my fatigued limbs seem unable to move. I paused, lying prone on the bed, eyes half lidded, lost in a moment of confusion. And waited for any recollection of last night to catch up with me.  
  
/…Hisoka… You are so beautiful. And you're Mine./  
  
/No. No! Get AWAY! His hands sliding up my bare skin with bruising force, holding me down ... So Helpless. Thrashing around weakly…Futilely…/  
  
My heart gave a sudden jump, and breathless, I came fully awake, and sat up with a start.  
  
"Hisoka…" Tentatively. "Are you okay?" Tsuzuki divides his attention between me and the tray of deserts he's holding, careful to avoid looking at me.  
  
"I'm Fine." I snap, a little harsher than I intended, and immediately start regretting it. He looks a little more forlorn, like a kicked puppy, and sets his tray down on the nightstand by my bed.  
  
"Are you sure?" He presses, sitting down on my bed, his worry-sick amethyst eyes looking straight into me, and puts a hand to my forehead. I turn my head quickly – to avoid his touch - before he can feel that I'm burning up.  
  
I stare down at the blankets pooled around my lap. "Don't. Treat me like a Child."  
  
"So, You eat breakfast, and then we'll go investigate the recent spate of 'ghosts' around here, okay?" Tsuzuki's tone changes abruptly, to that of one trying too hard to be cheerful. He knows I'm not fine, but he'll pretend along with me.  
  
It's easier to let him comfort me in the dark, when we can pretend he can't see my tears…  
  
Picking up the plate with the slice of horribly gooey chocolate cake, I take a few pokes at it with my fork, sticking my tongue out to taste a very tiny bit of the cream on top, making sure he sees I'm "eating". I swallow a bite of cake whole, and it's crumbly and tasteless, sticking on the way down.  
  
  
  
We make our way through the familiar streets of Nagasaki… the crisp fresh air brings a brief respite to my random bouts of dizziness.  
  
Blinking against the bright sunlight, I squint up at the cathedral. Tsuzuki, unusual subdued, lets out a soft sigh, and I know he's thinking of Maria Won.  
  
"It can't be a coincidence." His hand tightens into a fist, determination reflecting on his face.  
  
"Its not your fault," I offer, awkwardly, and he smiles at me, trying to reassure me that everything is okay and I shouldn't worry even one bit about him. But I do… I do because I…I care for him…I want to care for him…in ways that I can't admit to myself…  
  
"Oi, Hisoka," Tsuzuki catches me by the hand lightly, and pulls me out of my reverie and into the tall, imposing, high ceilinged church. A nervy rush of excitement leaves me lightheaded as he touches me, and I smile involuntarily, ducking my head to hide it. Feeling this is new. And so fascinating…I feel the heat of a blush start on my cheeks.  
  
Stop it….you're working! I remind myself, and if I can't look serious…and adult… I'll have to act it. Very sternly, I set my face and start looking around the church, hoping we can familiarize ourselves with it so we can find our way around in the dark - when the Ghosts come out.  
  
The faint smell of incense lingers in the air, and the warm sunlight streams through the high stained-glass windows, bathing row after row of wooden church pews in their glorious bursts of colours. So quiet. Not momentarily quiet like something's going to happen, but quiet like the soft places you go before you fall asleep.  
  
… Not somewhere that someone like Muraki would be …  
  
I feel this sudden urge to kneel and pray to this… this god that never did anything for me.  
  
/…crying out in this silence with shadows of jail bars falling across me…God. wherever you are. Please? The mice skitter across the cold, roughly hewn stone floor and run over my feet. They are getting bolder. /  
  
The world makes a sudden turn around me, and the ground rushes up to greet me.  
  
And I am falling…  
  
I'm dimly aware of Tsuzuki rushing to catch me, cradling me gently in his arms as he picks me up, and the worry and fear and affection and bewilderment and guilt and tenderness as the world fades off to black. 


	3. 

My hands grope around blindly, searching for something solid to anchor to. They make tight fists around a thin material, warm flannel… I must be in bed. He must have carried me in…After I fainted on him.  
  
White-hot anger, like the heart of a star, erupts like a volcano within me, and I turn a little, lashing out blindly, hitting the wooden edge of the bedside table hard. It stings, and my hand jars and hurts, but I don't care.  
  
Why am I so weak? So vulnerable. Tsuzuki will never… take me for anything. Anything… of some :::importance:::. A child – a brother if you will – a burden.  
  
The dusky reddish sunset outside slowly draws my waking consciousness to it. It is evening now, almost turning towards night. I turn my head towards the window, towards the setting sun. Through my lowered lashes I can see the bloody light flood across the room.  
  
And next will rise the hungry moon, and it will swallow me…  
  
I shiver a little, and pull the blankets up to my chin, too weak to go anywhere. He must have liked it this way. He must be going to face Muraki on his own. He is a self sacrificing, valiant, fool. Idiot. Baka. He would give his life for me. His immortal life. And if he ever did that, I would never forgive him. Never.  
  
The darkness is creeping up on me, unnoticed. Devious and sensual, like draping a velvet cloak across all there is. I feel almost safe. If I can stay hidden within this, time will stop and this safe moment will be forever. A tiny hint of fear rises within the base of my mind.  
  
:::Tsuzuki.:::  
  
My fever- fatigue chains me to the bed as I lie, staring at the ceiling, helpless to control the fear that is overwhelming me –  
  
And that fear is not mine. The smell of fear is distinctive. It is…it is his. A seductive scent. Muraki loves it. Its smoky threads draw across my mind and shutters my senses like a curtain. I know he is in :::trouble:::, but I melt into a liquid and break apart, chained to the bed by an immense fatigue.  
  
What am I going to do?  
  
What am I going to do for you?  
  
What am I going to do – without you?  
  
A screaming is overtaking all of my thoughts – and in a short moment of lucidity, I realise that it is mine.  
  
*Author's notes: Disclaimer! Nobody here is mine! Ok? Too much trouble babysitting them, anyway. I'd rather borrow them ^_____^. Hmm. Anyway, sorry! I think chapter two was a real disappointment. Need to work at improving my writing of narratives! This scene is really short too. I'm working on the next one – hopefully it'll be longer!* 


End file.
